Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize