He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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