u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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