so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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