I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
