If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
