Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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