i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
