You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
