Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
