so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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