We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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