she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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