eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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