He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
