At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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