I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
