An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
