non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize