im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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