It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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