Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
