Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
These tits shall not be calmed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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