i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
