it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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