Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize