some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
