Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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