apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
