She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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