Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
