Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
