You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
