i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
