College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
