i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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