I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
