How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
