i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
