Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
