Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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