You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
