Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
