But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize