Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
