I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
