in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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