So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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