pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
