Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
