11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
