So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
