hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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