So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
send nudes
from the living room?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
