OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
