Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
