When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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