i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How does one acquire holy water?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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