So drunk its hurt
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
