Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
