TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
