Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
