She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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