Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
