remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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