I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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