she was so not down for the gang bang
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
