Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
