so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
