also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize