I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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