His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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